Elements of great conversation
Elements of great Conversation
Here’s what I’m thinking - You express yourself without appearing oversmart. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority. Authority can make you right, but collaboration makes everyone rightand makes everyone pull together.
I was wrong - When you’re wrong, say you’re wrong. You won’t lose respect you’ll gain it.
That was awesome - Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Not only identify good things in present, but also in past. Identifying things in past gives other person a feel of being important and remembered.
You’re welcome - Don’t spoil the moment when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Make eye contact and say, Thank you. Don’t let thanks, congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person, too.
Can you help me? - When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely , politely, and humbly, Can you help me?. It speaks powerfully to our instinctive desire to help other people. Most importantly - DON’T say what you exactly need, too specific. Instead, say what you can’t do - I am awefully terrible with this thing, I am lost. When you ask, several powerful things immediately occur
One, you instantly convey respect. Without actually saying it, you’ve said You know more than I do, You can do what I can’t
Two, you instantly convey trust. You show vulnerability, admit to weakness, and implicitly show your trust in other person’s knowledge. You’ve said, I trust you
Three, you instantly convey you’re willing to listen. You haven’t tried to say exactly how people should help you. You give them the freedom to decide. You’ve said, You don’t have to tell me what you think I want to hear; tell me what you think I should do.
<note>That level of respect, level of trust, level of freedom is incredibly powerful and empowering. By showing you respect and trust other people, and by giving them the latitude to freely share their expertise or knowledge, you don’t just get the help you think you want. You might also get the help you really need. You get more, a lot more. You make it easier for them to ask you for help when they need it. You’ve shown it’s okay to express vulnerability, to admit a weakness, and to know when you need help. Best of all, you get to say two more incredibly powerful words: Thank you.</note>
I’m sorry - When you need to apologize: say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more. But NEVER follow an apology with a disclaimer that justifies your act or transfers the part of blame to other person, even if that’s the fact.
Can you show me? - Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything. Don’t just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown.
Let me give you a hand - Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help. But everyone needs help. Don’t just say, Is there anything I can help you with?, Be specific. Find something you can help with. Say I’ve got a few minutes. Can I help you finish that? Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous.
NOTHING - Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you’re upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does. Results come and go, but feelings are forever. You can easily recover from a mistake made because of faulty data or inaccurate projections. You’ll never recover from the damage you inflict on an employee’s self-esteem. Be quiet until you know exactly what to say and exactly what affect your words will have.